So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize