Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's the barista slut.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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