He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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