i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
