know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
