I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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