do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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