Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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