Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
