WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I CAN MOONWALK!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
nutella sex= disaster
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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