So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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