I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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