We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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