At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
