So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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