Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
