Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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