Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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