we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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