Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
