I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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