this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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