I like to think it a success when the cops are called
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
