So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i think i just lost a toe
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