Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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