My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
