She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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