Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
