Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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