Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
