Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I could fuck to npr.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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