Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
