Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize