Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
