yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
