Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
