It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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