Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
