shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
