Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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