how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
