So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
