Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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