i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
