i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
