Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
