Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
