I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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