hell yes lets make some ravioli
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
