pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
