She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
