I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
