Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You pole danced in your parka.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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