You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My feet surprised me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
