I haven't been this sober since birth.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
