she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
