I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The Olympian is in my bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize