fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
