my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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