That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
