Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
