oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
