So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
