I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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