The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
