I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
