he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
