Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
