Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
