DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
