We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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